Maybe In Another Universe, I Deserve You
What if, in another universe, I deserve you?
Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.
Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.
Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.
In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep.
Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.
Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.
Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats.
Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.
Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.
If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong.
You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy.
If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be oneuniverse — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.
So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymorebecause of the multiverse.
Well, isn’t that comforting?
If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right?
Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you.
Yesterday should be remembered as one of the not-in-the-mood-to-talk-but-in-the-mood-to-laugh-days. Haven’t updated this blog in days but I swear to God that I’ve been keeping up with studies and social life. But, I’ve been quite happy because it resulted into a few things..
- I don’t have a time to deal with bullshits.
- I don’t have a time to deal with bullshits.
- I don’t have time to overthink about things that doesn’t matter.
So, let’s go back to yesterday. Two words: Yeahbsolutely Fun!! Everything’s amazing when you get to spend your time with your friends. We spent hours about chit-chatting about different stuffs that made us laugh our hearts out. It was definitely worth remembering!!
(At Zarks, Taft with Kimberly, Anjanette, Maricz and Alyssa)
Keeping up with my studies… I. Need. And. Want. To. Pull. My. Grades. As. High. As. I. Could. because I believe that my parent’s deserve this grades. If they could work all day and night, I would also be glad to work on school stuffs even if I had to pull an all-nighter.
But, even after all these school shits it’s still SOCIAL LYF »» ACADS lol
Book of Stories
Who you were doesn’t have to bleed into who you will be.
We often stunt ourselves by tying who we were into who we think we need to become. We can’t map a trajectory for our futures without considering what would make sense for the people we used to be.
You weren’t meant to be a story that plays out in a nostalgically pleasing way. Life isn’t a sepia-toned flashback. Life is vivid and changing and real and unpredictable. Unchartable. With no plot other than the one we’re living in the moment, here and now. We don’t even realize how often we choose our current experiences based on old beliefs we are still subconsciously holding of ourselves. Because what we think of ourselves translates into what we allow of ourselves, and what we allow is what we experience, and what we experience is what amounts to our lives as a whole. A whole of which is a book of stories, of which doesn’t need to seamlessly transition into one another. Of which doesn’t have to be narrated the same way. Of which can be as short or long or staggered or confusing or exciting as you want.
“I saw the sea in you, it was a mirage. It wasn’t even so, I played the odds. I’m full of black and blues from all the nights with you.”
Minsan, mararamdaman mo nalang na sobrang sarap mabuhay. Bukod sa katahimikan, minsan, mas masaya pang mainig ang tawanan. Hindi matatawaran kung gaano kasaya ang araw na ‘to. Isa ito sa araw na gusto kong balikan kung sakali. Kakaiba yung kasiyahan eh, sa sobrang saya hindi ka na makatulog pag-uwi ganon kasi parang better na yung realidad kesa sa panaginip mo. Sana laging ganito. Dapat laging ganito, dapat laging masaya.
Note To Self
This love I have for you – it’s hard to describe, yet easy to feel. It’s difficult to convey save for the actions of every day life. I don’t know how to tell you that I love you without making you uncomfortable or scaring you away. I suppose saying it isn’t really necessary, since giving the condition a name doesn’t change its qualities…however, I can’t help but feel there’s something to say about the inability to say it at all. I understand that receiving love, and loving someone in return, is terrifying. You’re not the sort to make yourself vulnerable and neither am I. Love makes you weak in a way, I guess you could say…but more importantly, it makes you strong. This is just one of the reasons that I love love, and love loving you in particular.
You seem to want a definition…yet I don’t have one. I will never have one. Love, at least to me, includes so many things that I don’t even know where or how to begin. Yet if you can’t just trust that you love someone – that you think of them more fondly than others in a peculiar way; admire them for the things that make them who they are and respect them for these very same attributes – then maybe you will never be able to love. Love is and will always be a leap of faith. Just like in life, there is no sure thing in love. You just have to trust. There is no answer – you just know. Yet there’s no way to ‘know’, especially if you pick it apart. Eventually love will be destroyed by all the prodding, analyzing and dissection.
I dream sometimes about flying. It starts out like I’m running really, really fast and I’m like superhuman and the terrain starts to get really rocky and steep. And then I’m running so fast that my feet aren’t even touching the ground and I’m floating and it’s like this amazing, amazing feeling. I’m free and I’m safe, but then I realize, I’m completely alone. And then I wake up.
*cue music* life is a highwaaaay
What do you think love is?
HUHUHUHU my heart
Is it really love?
When will be the right time to tell yourself that you’re in love? When will you know that you’re into the person and not the feeling. How will you know that you really truly love someone?
Is it when their happiness is more important than yours? Is it when you’d be proud that they’re yours? Is it when he’s the only one who crosses your mind? Is it when you’d rather stay awake just to talk to them rather than sleeping? Is it when you’d feel “okay” whenever they’re around? I don’t know. No one knows. There’s no exact meaning about love. There are no perfect words. Words will never be enough to describe love because it’s the only thing in the world that can make you feel like you’re nothing or you’re everything.
On the other hand, love shouldn’t be unrewarding. Love should feel good. You feel giddy every time you think of them. Love should be greater than their failures. There will be acceptance and a room for hope that even things change, you’d still cope up with it. It’s not about reciprocating. It’s not about taking and taking, it’s also about giving. Love is everything, it’s unfathomable once you have it and devastating once it’s gone. But then again, love is about acceptance.
1 Corinthians 13
13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhoodbehind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.