I heard about her
I asked you to tell me about her and you asked me what I wanted to know and that’s when I knew you didn’t really love her. Because if you loved her then you would’ve told me about how her eyes light up when she laughs and she bites her lip when she’s sad. You would’ve told me about the way her teeth remind you of those glow-in-the-dark stars you stuck on your ceiling when you were little and the way her voice wraps around your bones and keeps you from shaking. You would’ve told me about the tips of her fingers and the way sunshine pours from her mouth. You would’ve told me about how she even looks pretty when she cries and the way she hides behind her hair. You would’ve told me about the way you want to live inside her ribcage and fall asleep in the crook of her neck. You would’ve told me that she tastes like the entire galaxy and she speaks in poetry. You would’ve told me the sound of her breath while she sleeps is your new favorite song. You would’ve told me about how she’s in your blood and the way she’s got so much love in her veins that if you cut her open, you swear flowers would grow from inside of her. You would’ve told me about the way you love her, like I love you.
“Sometimes I look at people and I make myself try and feel them as more than just a random person walking by. I imagine like how deep they’ve fallen in love, or how much heartbreak they’ve all been through.”
It’s like I’m reading a book and it’s a book I deeply love. But I’m reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world. It’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much. But this is where I am now. And this who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can’t live your book any more. I don’t know where I am going. It’s hard to explain, but if you get there, come find me. Nothing will be able to tear us apart then.
even though it hurts, she’s my favorite pain
This Is How I Miss You
I miss the constant buzz on my phone that used to come from you every morning, and how it made the dreadful process of waking up that much more bearable. I miss how you make my mornings almost something I could anticipate each night before I go to bed. I miss knowing you’d never let my phone sleep.
I miss the frequency of you — the daily texts, the constant calls, and weekly dates. I miss knowing I could merely press a few buttons and hear from you seconds later. I miss the ease of it, the ease of finding you when I’m most in need.
I miss you ’til it hurts. I miss you when I run for hours in the rain, and the feeling still remains. I miss you when I’m talking to other people, who are great but they don’t suffice, not to you. Because no one does, no one has known me the longest, no one understands like you. I miss how you just knew, how you would give me that reassuring look.
The look that would come from your eyes, the look I’ve always wanted. Because your eyes brightened my otherwise black-and-white suburban kid world. I miss the incongruity you bring, the excitement that comes on city nights with you. I miss the shenanigans, the escapades, the youthful bliss. I miss the stories, the mornings after, the reminiscing and laughter in the car ride back home. I miss how home and you were always the end destination.
I miss you so much I’ve written you a continuous essay-length monologue in texts and messages you can’t even see. I’ve left you paragraphs and paragraphs on some fading social media site, fully knowing you won’t check for days. And I’m glad actually you won’t, I’m glad you are actually living in the present, wherever your traveling feet have landed now. I’m glad one of us is finally wandering beyond this rainy city. But I can’t help but miss you each time I slide through my contacts on my phone and I see your nickname starred as the first on my favorites. I can’t help but miss you when I wake up to vacant phone buzzes and desolate texts and only to be further reminded of your departure and my sadness when I see the picture of you and I on my desk. I can’t help but miss you this much and I really really can’t wait for you to come home.
I know that this message was made to make me happy. But honestly, this message made me cry. She was and she’ll always be my best friend. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero nitong mga nakaraang araw.. o buwan.. o taon, rather, hindi ko masyado nabibigyang pansin yung mga kaibigan ko. Pakiramdam ko nga wala akong kwentang tao e. Hindi ko alam pero gusto ko lagi akong nandiyan para sa mga tao. Lagi kami nagtatalo ni Wena sa mga stupid na bagay. And with stupid, what I meant was.. that thing. Okay, let’s move on (weh) Hay, basta ang ewan sa feels nung nabasa ko ‘tong message na ‘to. I felt special like asado special. Hay. I love you more than you could know, pare. I’ll fix you.
Owl City’s new song ♥
| Distance - Christina Perri
"The sun is filling up the room
and I can hear you dreaming.
Do you feel the way I do…
I’ll make sure to keep my distance. Say "I love you" when you’re not listening.
You’re My Favourite Thing
I must admit that my life would really suck if you’re not in it. It’s hard to pretend that I am fucking happy for you— because I’m not. I don’t know why but every night I still wonder what happened to us. I still wonder about a lot of things. About how happy we were two years ago. How fun it was talking to you ‘till the wee hours. We would talk over the phone then go out to see the stars. How we shared different songs that would make us stay up late. The way we exchanged different text messages with our hearts in them. I miss you. You don’t know how much. If I could live another life, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I want to be with you. I’ve seen the world and I’m sure now more than ever that I belong with you. I’m sure she’s great but you can’t recreate what you and I have.
Once my heart stops beating, everything will end. The happiness, loneliness, pain, grudge; everything. It’ll pass. Everything will be settled down. There will be silence and I will be forgotten. It will never be the same again. A strong feeling of abandonment will conquer in the hearts of some people who truly care about me. Death is inevitable and that’s what I like about it. They said that I am too young to be this lonely. But, I don’t know.
When I was young I used to be lonely because of my family. I tried to be strong. When I met you, everything was perfect. I was genuinely happy with you. When you left, it’s just.. Perfectly lonely. I’ve felt empty since then.